| Throats raw from screaming and I haven't said a word |
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| be my friend be my lover |
[Tuesday
June 30th] |
I sit here alone on my bed, in my room, though I guess the fact that its on my bed makes it painfully obvious that it's my room, nonetheless what am I doing on my bed you may ask? Well I'm anxiously awaiting a response to the text messages I sent out to my friends. Alas perhaps I shouldn't have taken a shower and missed a call from Mr. Armani as I will call him, this isn't due to the fact that he's rich or elegant though he is a bartender. Its primarily due to him wearing Armani Exchange ugh i despise that place.
I was or rather I am ill. I have swollen intestinal lymph nodes that cause terrible abdominal pain, diarrhea and sometimes vomitting kind of like stomach flu though not so. Well this ..Armani just called he met 7 people this weekend and he kept the 7th one that lucky old bastard..STUD I guess he is...MORE LIKE WHORE!!...haha ugh fuck Pride and me not being there.
Anyways this bacterial infestation made me so ill that I had to be hospitalized and well I'm sure you can guess it, I missed pride and we were going to have a hotel suite to ourselves 5 people all together 2 40 er more like 35 yo lesbians and 3 gays one 27 wait make that 2 gays 1 bisexual he's the 27 y/o, the 42y/o yeah thats Armani, and then there's is me. I'm the 21 y/o yeah it would have been even more fun since I'm 21 and it would have been my first pride where I could run around and hit up all the bars in the crawl and join in, in the debauchery..well there's always Market Days ill probably be 22 by then..btw i have yet to hit the bar scene in boystown..
Anywhom I bought two books they seem quite interesting they are memoir like but not really..
I guess you could say i was inspired by them to post this...
peace im going to go back to reading since I am still Ill and btw my meds are great with the exception of one that makes me want to vomit just at the mere mention or thought of it...
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[Saturday
August 30th] |
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[Wednesday
April 16th] |
In terms of image, the current preference is for beauty that is not fully evolved. “People are afraid to look over 21 or make any statement of what it means to be adult,” Ms. Cutrone said.
George Brown, a booking agent at Red Model Management, said: “When I get that random phone call from a boy who says, ‘I’m 6-foot-1 and I’m calling from Kansas,’ I immediately ask, ‘What do you weigh?’ If they say 188 or 190, I know we can’t use him. Our guys are 155 pounds at that height.”
Their waists, like that of Mr. Svetlichnyy, measure 28 or 30 inches. They have, ideally, long necks, pencil thighs, narrow shoulders and chests no more than 35.5 inches in circumference, Mr. Brown said. “It’s client driven,” he added. “That’s just the size that blue-chip designers and high-end editorials want.”
damn...im a fat ass.
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[Wednesday
April 2nd] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
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Its amazing how someone without them knowing it have made my spirits rise up so high...
i am enjoying it as it comes..
the ct scan today oooohhh....i is scurred somewhat.
but thanks!
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[Thursday
March 20th] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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a veces me siento que mis amigas oh mas bien dicho la amiga mejor que yo amo*quiero en verdad no le importa,
que yo existe, le digo que la extrano pero ella ni me hace caso. A horra pues manana ella esta en Mi, con sus y nuestros amigos...me da tristeza pensar en como nos estamos separando.
YO NO TENGO AMIGOS. No tengo amigos para nada. Mi Erin ya me dejo..
Es tiempo para moverme.
A veces pienso en ya no vivir, me da tristeza eh estado muy deprimido. muy deprimido. Very Depressed.
Ya no les voy a hablar.
no more.
i lost you forever since I moved.
Getting more and more distant as time goes on
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| pregnancy..... |
[Saturday
March 8th] |
Maybe its the fact that the song " I miss you like cazy" is pkaying over the intercom, but I just got hit by a massive wave of sentimentality..damn.
Women or rather pregnant women I have felt what you go through during the pregnancy, and I must commend you and tell you how I have the utmost respect for you.
sentimentality womps when its like I can't let old friendships/flames extinguish....cuz no matter what they still matter to me .
oh morning or is this afternoon sickn....excuse me.......
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| disenfranchised |
[Sunday
February 10th] |
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so im doing great I haven't had a drop of alcohol since new years. I dumped the boy due to his over-use of drugs. I also wasn't feeling it anymore. he's still a friend but idk his drug use is a big concern. my new friends are alright ever since new years I haven't hung out with them much. working and dancing at the club every now ad then. reading lots of books. missing people a lot. at work I get ridiculed by a black guy I love it. haha I might be able to drive in july or by jan of next year..im hoping juky. well lunch is over.
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[Wednesday
November 7th] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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update..
hanging out with erin, sam, and others
went to potbelly's yesterday and got hit on by a new kid in the area...*increased my ego seeing how i thought i looked good that day..*
might go see a show in Milwaukee WI with a guy named Zane hes too affectionate and adorable..^_^
life is on the up and up busy..and crazy...
i fear something but ill just push it to the back of my mind...
i miss my dear friends but if they wont respond to your messages, your texts, your phone calls, does it really mean anything....?
anywho i hope you all are doing well. And remember dont be a rascist sack of shit.
^_^
*did i mention that i have met a bunch of skins, and nazis...well sort of...
oh and that fashion thing sucked...
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| so apparently |
[Wednesday
October 24th] |
i have bad luck with piercings..first my lip now my septum..
i redid the lip myself it fucking hurt but of course i was pissed at my manager for calling me in...so i did it I STUCK the stud through it bled a bit but w.e now its fixed..then my septum i had the idea or notion to change it to the horseshoe well goodness be i couldnt put anything in...still cant...*mind you right after i took it out too.
NOW im pissed as fuck at my septum..i swear im this close from doing my own septum ..
i want to go to marce noir and see if they can put it in..oh and those bead/ball things on the end of piercings wtf is the point they get lost....uhm new invention for piercings....or am i the only retarded one that cant put them on..
IM SERIOUSLY READY TO STAB A BITCH...or myself..
anywho i look good today.
^_^
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[Wednesday
October 17th] |
across the universe one of the films and cinematography i have seen...
LOVED IT..
and the music is splendid and stuck in my head....mhmmm ladadai da de dai
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[Wednesday
October 3rd] |
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music |
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your my disco..mhm party monster |
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I AM MICHAEL
AND ITS AJUST A BIG PARTy
WHEN MODA SHOWS
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[Saturday
September 29th] |
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im a astab a bitch..is all.
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[Monday
September 17th] |
I get to go talk to real fashion designers as soon as i pay my fee ugh!!!!!
but that will be on nov 2nd..im so excited i cant wait.
and then today i might get to see a nice chill guy michael...*woo for fucking gay club..
^_^
always on the up and up..
*been intoxicated for the entirety of last week.
*working while intoxicated makes me sound stu[pid]
yay french class
HOW DO YOU SAY GIVE ME YOUR PEN, asshole
.......un livre??...uh no idiot thats book...oh.
adieu!
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[Wednesday
September 12th] |
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music |
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britney spears-gimme more |
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last night was righteous.
skinheads, punks, normal folk, wangsters aka wiggers..
haha
+
beer, wine, whiskey *irish*, rum
=
CRAZY PARTY.
action all over the place..
drunken makeouts.
mhmm i found my new friend and shes amazing times 4. Living in the lake in da hood aint bad...
its just taint.
TALKING BOUT MY GENERATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND AGAINST ME SING ALONGS I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Through Nixon now through BUSH..
WERE DRINKING IRISH TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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[Tuesday
September 4th] |
running and biking does a boy good.
and eating pineapples=PRICELESS
on the up and up
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[Sunday
September 2nd] |
the past nights have been nothing short from phenomenal. Im having loads of fucking fun without drugs or alcohol. Almost carefree like.
I have been extremely cheery.
Plus its all good.
^_^
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[Friday
August 31st] |
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mood |
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uncomfortable |
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music |
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Joanna Newsom-The Milk Eyed Mender |
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i cut myself by my eye today seconds before i got off work trying to kill a bug and i ended up cutting myself with my glasses.
it felt good to feel something like a stinging sensation I could feel the oxygenation of my cut.
I swore i heard your voice say my name, so i called only to hear despair and perhaps even loathsome..
Its starting to feel more real..Its starting to rain. . Its starting to fall..its starting to crash. its starting to burn.
ashes to ashes we blow in the wind.
ashes to ashes the beast grows within.
ashes to ashes were lost amongst the sea
ashes to ashes........
we grow cold.
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[Wednesday
August 29th] |
french class is fun..started to nod my head off to sleep but quickly awoke.
oh man i was really nervous waiting for my fashion design/illustration class to start. Im serious i felt like puking. Then we went into the classroom apparently our instructor teaches at columbia and had to come from chicago so she was half an hour late. eh its all good..
Damn i can already tell who the bitches are they look at you and give you this bitchy look and look down at you..i was like oh shit..the catty bitchiness begins...w.e i dont need to talk to that bitch anyways. Damn homos. Theres alot of azn guys in it.
We watched a video on stephen....something hes really good. I cant wait to get started in this class.
I picked up a bukowski book and read it for 2hours and i read a total of 300pages. i felt like i was on a roll.
im excited. Yet i still felt down but i would read these poems and i realized fuck it.
^_^
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| Patti love. |
[Wednesday
August 29th] |
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Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.
Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No.
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